Monday, July 6, 2015

So I should totally check in here at least once a year...

Hola. I was on Ravelry earlier (an online community for people who knit and crochet) and this blog is still linked to my profile, so I clicked the link and read all the previous posts. Interesting. I don't think anyone ever read this blog but me, which is fine. Maybe I'll post a link to it on my Facebook page someday, if I really start writing again.

I still knit, and now I crochet as well. I love yarn. I love to make soft, pretty, functional gifts for people I love.

I did lots more theatre after the bit I wrote about here, even got a few more awesome, lead roles, including Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar. I'm not doing theatre now, though. I recently went back to school, and adding theatre to the mix would be way too much. I am active in a group called the SCA, so that's what I'm mostly doing with my summer. More on that later.

Dating has been, for the most part, mostly nonexistent. Currently, I am sort of dating a nice man I met in the SCA, but he is extremely difficult to read and I have no idea if it's going anywhere. We shall see eventually! It's only been a bit over five weeks. We're taking it pretty slow, which I agree is smart and all, but I'm starting to get frustrated. I really like him, though.

I'm not sure what I should do with this blog. I could post about sewing and yarn-related projects I'm doing, or about my school experience, or language and linguistics, or songwriting, or my haphazard life in general. Not sure. Perhaps a little bit of everything.

I should be doing PT for my sprained knee, and then I should eat, do some sewing maybe, and then another round of PT. I've been slacking. I want to get better, but it's just a pain to try to fit in 3-5 sets of 7 different exercises throughout the day. I'd rather do them all at once. I think I'll just do that, because when I try to spread them out, I never get them all done. I have to be lying down for half of them, and that is not convenient.

I haven't really gotten into the groove, writing this post. Ah, well. I have too much to do. Perhaps I'll be back a bit sooner than last time, eh?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Writing from beneath a pile of cats...

Good afternoon, sports fans. I'm trying to get comfortable again after having to get up a little over an hour ago to go out in the 1 degree afternoon to pick up my brother from work. I had been sleeping, of course, and I should be sleeping now. Not easy, though, in this blinding whiteness that is a sunny, winter day. I didn't get my sleep mask done yet. I really need to do that tonight.

Shift Work Sleep Disorder is a real bitch.

And the cats, bless their little hearts, probably don't mean to confine and smother me, but that's how it feels when they all try to lie on top of me at once. Can't move.

I could make them go away, but I'd rather be warm. It's cold in here. Cats in bed equal warm feet. ;)

That's all I've got for now...just trying out the Blogger application on my iPod and wondering how I can remove my bra without getting up and disrupting the delicate balance I've just finally achieved, with all the critters sleeping around me, and none on top. Argh. Knew I'd forgotten something!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I had a REALLY shitty weekend.

My mom's birthday was Friday, so I was so excited to give her the painting of her cat that I'd commissioned and received just a couple days before in the mail. I knew she'd flip over it, because she loved that cat so much (I did, too). She did love the painting and took it to work to show the girls in the office. I knitted for a while since I had huge new needles that made for fast scarves and I wanted to finish the one I'd started the night before. I had my orange kitty, Iago, in with me (and he wasn't even trying to attack my yarn). Mau, my mom's kitty, usually sleeps with me during the day and she was getting kind of annoyed I hadn't gone to bed yet. I fell asleep on the couch sitting upright with my knitting needles still clutched in my hands and Iago leaning against me. My feet were freezing. I got up and threw Iago back outside and called Mau to come down to the basement with me. She followed like always and as I lay on my side she curled up atop my hip, under the covers, for maybe an hour, purring until I stopped petting her 'cause I was asleep. She got up and lay in her usual spot next to my pillow and the next thing I knew my brother was waking me up at 5 to ask if I wanted to go out to eat with my mom (she'd called me but by ringers were all off). Mau jumped down when I got up but then just laid down on my floor. Usually she would have bugged me to let her out of my room. I picked her up and set her on the stairs and she just sat there, which was weird, too. My brother came back down to relay another message and I gave Mau to him and told him to take her up to the kitchen. I got ready, blahblah, and Mom got home, tried to feed Mau, and she wouldn't eat more than a bite or two, after much encouragement. Mau just seemed lethargic. Mom and I went out to have a fish fry and since my aunt and uncle's band was playing we got up to sing a few songs, but we left early 'cause my mom was worried about her cat. I had the thought, Oh god, don't let it be that I got her that painting and her cat dies. Stupid, uncomfortable thought. I stuffed it away.

We got home and Mau didn't want to sit on anybody's lap. She didn't even want to be touched. Usually she wanted to sit on you despite the fact that you were knitting or writing or whatever and had no room for her. She was pretty bossy. Friday night she just kept slinking away and hiding and when I crawled under the table once to check on her, she warned me away. Her breathing was a little labored. My mom figured she'd call the vet in the morning. My friend Chris called me after a while so I went down to my room to talk to him, and then, well, I was restless and wrote that blog entry. I did fall asleep for a little bit after that...

And then my mom screamed from upstairs, "Robin, are you awake? MAU'S DEAD!" I can still hear the pain in her voice when she said that and I'm blinking my eyes.

I threw on my clothes and ran upstairs to find her sitting on the love seat in the family room, cradling Mau's body and shaking with grief. Mau's eyes were kind of white and dead and wouldn't stay closed and her mouth was open, but otherwise she was warm yet and looked the same. She was so small. We both held her and cried and then I woke up my brothers, who came right down. My baby brother cried, too (my other brother doesn't really like cats, although he always said Mau was at least "interesting" because of her very singular personality). It was horrible, not just because I loved her, but because I just didn't know what to do for my mom. We didn't expect Mau to die. She wasn't old. We don't know what happened, other than thinking maybe the fact that she was horribly sick and in need of surgery when we found her meant that her body had just been through too much and even though we had her cured for almost 3 1/2 years, her body had just had enough. She seemed fine until the previous afternoon.

I thought about coming on here and saying that my previous post was irrelevant and insignificant because a member of our family had died and who the fuck cares about some dog trying to get me to help him cheat on his girlfriend. Instead, once we got Mau into a boot box, wrapped in a baby blanket and established that we couldn't do anything else since it was snowing, I went to bed. And stayed there for about twelve hours. I was just so sad. I got up 10:30ish and watched DVDs and knitted all night, while my mom slept in her chair, next to the painting of Mau, which she'd set on a little table between her chair and the love seat. Mau was still in the box on the love seat and my mother hadn't been able to bring herself to cover her little girl's face yet. I tried to ask her about that and she said probably she'd take care of it in the morning. Sigh. She went to bed at about 5am and closed the box.

This may be creepy, but we'd decided to put Mau in the freezer. We couldn't bury her and individual cremation costs $80 for an animal her size (and Mom would have wanted her ashes to bury in the spring), so the only thing to do was preserve her until we could put her in our little pet cemetery. The temperature is way too variable to keep her outside, so there you have it. I wanted to put her in that morning, but I knew it wasn't my call. I was about to go to bed at around 8am when she called down, "Robin, will you help me tape up my Mau?" Her voice was breaking. She sat upstairs email her friends for like two more hours while I waited. Finally she came and we put a toy and a flower in the box with her and wrapped the box in plastic and then secured it with lots of clear packing tape. The box was from my dad's work boots and says CAT. My mom kissed the top of the box before we put it away in the back of the freezer and covered it up.

Poor Mau. Such terrible timing.

I had a line-through with my cast mates for the play at 1pm so I ended up staying awake until 6pm. I felt like shit and my mom was still moping around. I had to work at 10, so that sucked. I had the worst fucking headache. I started making a prayer shawl and I think I'm going to give it to my mom when it's done, and tell her it was made with thoughts in my head of sympathy and healing. It's blue and the yarn is really pretty.

I cried on the way home 'cause I was thinking about how Mau wasn't going to sleep in my bed with me anymore. She was sort of like a little furry person, the way she'd almost talk to me and tell me what to do. She could open doors, too. I have it on video.

I asked my mom how she was doing this past afternoon and she said she cried in the shower this morning. I think part of my hurt is actually hers, if you know what I mean. I feel so bad for her. I probably loved Mau more than any of my own cats, but I do love my three cats that I still have. She doesn't mind the other cats, but she isn't attached to them. She says she may never want another pet, but I think after a while it would be good for her to fall in love again, so to speak. I looked up Manx kittens (Mau was a Manx with a funny, stumpy tail) and found that you generally have to get on a waiting list and they cost $200-400.

Oh, now I'm crying again.

I hate it that people always are sympathetic when someone's dog dies and just sort of dismiss it when the lost pet is a cat. Cats are affectionate and they get attached to their people...and their people love them right back. Mau always missed me when I wasn't home. She'd scold me if I was gone for a few days and then pretend to ignore me before following me around again, like she was trying to teach me a lesson. She liked all of us, but she especially favored my mom and me. She almost always was game to go sleep in my room...if I walked past that door, she was right there trying to open it and she'd run down. She loved to cuddle. She was a sweet girl. She was also kind of clumsy in a very un-catlike way that was really amusing to watch. I always said she sucked at being a cat, but she tried anyway.

Well, I'm sure the rest of you all all crying now, too, out of boredom. I don't care. I needed to spill this somewhere. I really, really miss her.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Hey, ho...I'm alive!

I'm obsessed with knitting now, have made 3 scarves and have like 4 or 5 in progress. Have spent probably $250 in the last two weeks buying needles and yarn. Someone should probably shoot me. I could have had my PC redone for that. It all depends on my focus, I guess. My focus SHOULD be on FAWM and songwriting, since it's February, but I started knitting...

I'm also in a play in Hartford that opens in two weeks. Small part, only twenty lines. I'm playing an 80-year-old woman and the play is fuckin' hilarious. I only get to see the part I'm in so I'm looking forward to running the whole show next week so I can see what the rest of it looks like.

I'll be the one in the audience that's knitting. LOL

Monday, September 1, 2008

Le sigh.

I had planned to write an exuberant, funny little post about how, an hour after I wrote my last post, my Friday took a definite upturn, but I'm feeling suddenly sort of melancholy. But I'll tell you about the rest of Friday first.

At roughly 2pm, after I'd logged off the internet, my boss called me to ask if I wanted to come pick up my bonus check.

Say what?

BONUS. CHECK. Totally unexpected.

It was over $650.

So okay, I wasn't tired anymore and was jumping around and squealing like a demented squirrel who has suddenly found a whole year's worth of stored acorns in the middle of winter. I got my check, delivered the down payment for my pending fairy tattoo, and went shopping. I picked up a few items from the electronics section that were filed in the "could definitely use but can grudgingly live without" category. Yay. Then I got home and messed with my new toys for a bit...and then at about 6:30pm, I got a call from a number I though might be from Beaver Dam. Hooly shit.

I got the part of Rosalind in Moon Over Buffalo.

::falls over::

Now, I can't really picture how it's gonna go over with an audience to see a fat chick in a love triangle complete with passionate kissing, but okay. I'll do the job and I'll love it. I'll just have to forget that I never would have in a million years placed a girl my size in that role...and just do it. Just be Rosalind. I have to believe it before anyone else does, right?

All in all, I was ecstatic to get the part. I'm pretty sure it's the biggest part I've ever had.

But anyway...

Last Thursday night I logged onto Yahoo to find that my old friend Marty, a man from the Philippines I used to chat with and write to constantly when I was a senior in college, had sent me a message inviting me to sing with him on SingSnap. I went to his page and listened to him sing...and wow...he sounded kind of like George Harrison. Same sort of voice, anyway...and not what I would have expected. Not that I would have known what to expect. I loved the sound of it, though. So I joined and since then we've been exchanging little messages over the site...and I'm starting to feel like I felt back when we felt spiritually inseparable. It sucks. It sucks because he's married now and it sucks because he's in Riyadh until God knows when, and it sucks that nobody has ever written to me the way he does. We had an intellectual and emotional relationship based on a foundation of poetry. We met because of poetry, we connected because of poetry, we sent our favorites to each other and wrote new ones about the way we felt. His poetry was magnificent. Sometimes I'll come across an old printout and sigh. Such words. I miss them.

Right now Marty's family is far away from him, back in Manila, and he's got to be so lonely. I'm lonely, too. Is it wrong of me to hope that he and I can rekindle the romance of words that we once shared? We'll never meet...

Yeah, yeah. It's wrong.

But I think its says something that...well, let me back up. We had a sort of signature poem. Some couples have songs, right? We had a poem, "somewhere i've never traveled,gladly beyond" by e.e. cummings, easily one of my very favorite poets. This poem was our theme song, and it will always remind me of him. It will always feel special. A few years ago, while talking on the phone with my beau of the moment, this beau wanted to read me a poem...and chose that one. Immediately it felt like fate had slapped me in the face and pointed at the man on the phone, saying THIS IS THE ONE. He wasn't, of course.

But maybe, at one point in time, even half a world away, Marty was.

Friday, August 29, 2008

La la la.

So it's Friday afternoon and I haven't managed to get my sorry ass to sleep. I spent part of the night at work screwing around on InterPals, a pen pal site I just found and joined, and then after work I went to the gym and killed myself for at least an hour and a half. I did the TreadClimber machine for half an hour (it said I burned like 430 calories!) and then lifted weights the rest of the time. I am so dead. ::sigh:: I like the muscles I'm developing, though, so I guess I'll persevere. I've lost about 22 pounds so far, and as I've decided to get a tattoo for every 25 I lose, I've made an appointment at a tattoo parlor to get something small inked into my back. I'm pretty excited. My second tattoo!

I don't think I mentioned that I didn't make that play last week in Menominee Falls. Wah. I kinda thought I had it, but oh well. The play I tried out for this week in Beaver Dam, Moon Over Buffalo, really doesn't have a part that fits me (I mean, I could play one, but there were others with more appropriate builds and ages), but I expect to at least be part of the backstage crew. I need to be part of a show this fall. Once I lose more weight, I should be able to play ingenues and romantic leads. I'm 30, but I can pass for younger as it is, so once I lose weight it should be even easier. Meh. I expect to get a call sometime tonight from the director...I heard her say that she will call either way, which I take to mean 'whether or not a person is cast.' Plus, she knows I will gladly work on crew, so I'd think she'd call and let me know what's up either way.

There is a play I could go out for in West Bend this fall, but it auditions after Moon has already closed in mid-October, so I might as well get myself involved. Theatre makes me happy. I've never done crew before, but I think it will be a rewarding and educational experience. I need to feel like there's a part of me doing something more important than just work and slacking off.

I'm feeling kinda formless right now...probably has something to do with lack of sleep and the fact that earlier I spent two hours in the sun cleaning out my messy Jeep. I have to go to the bank yet to get a little money for the weekend and I need to maybe catch a nap. More Jeep-cleaning is in order as well, though I doubt I will finsh today. I'm already losing steam and Maulla (mow-ya, the cat) has been eyeing me sullenly for a while now, since by now she and I are usually snoring in my bed downstairs. She is so controlling.

I'd better get off here now...ugh.

Toooodles.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

100 random facts about ME...

1. My all-time favorite song is "Let It Be."
2. I have a tarot card collection, though I rarely take the time to read anyone's fortune.
3. I still crush on circa 1967 Paul McCartney.
4. I know my library card number off the top of my head.
5. I have a baby brother half my age.
6. I sang a concert with my college choir at Notre Dame in Paris.
7. I started writing poetry when I was about 8 years old, songs when I was 13.
8. When I was 15 I was heavily into politics and even wrote a political column for the school paper...and I got hate mail!  :D
9. I never went on a date until after I graduated from college.
10. I speak Spanish well enough to dream in the language when I'm in a Spanish-speaking country.
11. I can swear in sign language.
12. I dig long hair on a hot guy.  >:)
13. I have seen my favorite band 43 times in concert.
14. I've been to concerts in at least 12 different states.
15. I have the same birthday as my dad.
16. I could give a pretty decent tour of Florence right now without any preparation (do I have any takers? LOL!).
17. I have wanted tattoos ever since I was 12, when my favorite band was Mötley Crüe.  I finally got one last February...and I have an appointment for my second in less than two weeks!
18. I have a tied tongue.
19. I used to be a day camp counselor.
20. I spent a summer singing and playing guitar at tables at a place in Wisconsin Dells when I was 20.
21. I still have Beatles posters on my walls from my college days.
22. I have three cats, but it's my mom's cat who thinks she owns me and bitches when I get out of line.
23. I drive a 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo with almost 180,000 miles on it.  And no, I don't plan to get a new car anytime soon.
24. I really love rainbow colors.  The brighter the better.
25. I plan to hide my tattoos from my parents for as long as I possibly can.  :">  Because I'm a giant wuss.
26. Once I took the metro alone to the red light district in Paris to visit the erotica museum there.
27. I have been across the Bridge of Sighs.
28. I have been to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
29. I saw the famous ash people in Pompeii.
30. As a child, I sang on stage with my parents' country-rock band.
31. As a teenager, I never once snuck out.
32. The first time I got really drunk, I was in Vienna, and I was 19.
33. I went through a pretty huge Michelangelo phase when I was 21-22.  I used to have dreams about him.
34. After touring a special traveling exhibit in the National Gallery in D.C., I became smitten with John Singer Sargent for a while.
35. I spent about five hours at l'Accademia in Florence, just hanging around the David and writing.
36. I can wiggle my ears.
37. I dye my hair every couple of months, and generally have been since I was 14.  The color varies.
38. I cried when I finished reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time, because it was over.
39. When I was little I used to pretend I was my own twin.  My mom went along with it.
40. I was a National Merit Scholarship Semifinalist; I have a letter from the Governor floating around somewhere.
41. The first time I took the ACT, I was 13.  I got a 20.
42. I passed out once while giving blood in high school.
43. I am almost entirely incapable of arriving anyplace on time.
44. I eat peanut butter with a spoon, right out of the jar.
45. I love garlic; I don't care what it does to my breath.
46. I have never voted Republican.
47. I really want to live in another country for a while, preferably in Europe.
48. I took honors math in high school.
49. I have sung at both weddings and funerals.
50. I do not smoke, and I only get drunk a few times a year.
51. When the moon is full on a clear night, I love how my body casts a shadow in the silvery-blue light.
52. My favorite anime is Death Note.
53. Even though I am only 5'2" I have a number of cousins shorter than I am, on both sides of the family.  We're just short people.
54. Once I climbed almost to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Mexico.  I still hate Jill Fraundorf for that.
55. I'm obsessed with making ringtones for my phone.
56. I prefer tea to coffee.
57. I don't drink soda.
58. I had pizza in Italy and I didn't like it.
59. I sang a mass in the Pantheon with my choir in 1997, and the highlight was a bird pooping through the huge hole in the ceiling.
60. I haven't ridden a bike in 10 years.
61. I used to play volleyball pretty well when I was a kid.
62. When I was a teen, I used to sprain my ankles constantly.
63. I have never been admitted to a hospital (since birth, anyway).
64. I spent a one semester as a General Music long-term (that means every day) substitute teacher, grades K-12.
65. I was in Venice during Carnival (a.k.a. Mardi Gras in the US) in 2000.  It was crazy.
66. I think gelato is the best ice cream ever, but only if you get it in Italy.
67. When I was in 5th or 6th grade I read 12 Nancy Drew books in one weekend.  I don't remember why I did it, but I was pretty pleased with myself.
68. I love to ride the subway.
69. I love making mix CDs.
70. I love school.
71. I've been known to crush on fictional characters.
72. I didn't have curly hair until I was in 6th grade.  I don't know why...hormone changes or something.
73. My vision is something like 20/300 without correction.
74. I've always wanted to have buff arms like Angela Bassett in Strange Days.
75. I've never had a one night stand.
76. My first high school crush is now a female impersonator.
77. I used to ride horses.  Someday I'd like to do it again.
78. I think it would be fabulous to be fluent in five languages.  The idea excites me.
79. I almost always sleep on my side.
80. I always dream in color, and I can have a full, elaborate experience even if I only doze off for a minute.
81. I get whole albums stuck in my head.
82. I like to make up names.
83. I hate raw celery, and will taste it in anything whether I can see it or not.
84. I like to draw, but I don't do it very often.
85. I love to dance.
86. A really good male singing voice can turn me into puddles in an instant.
87. I really, really dig guys with foreign accents, notably Scottish, Irish, or Russian.  =P~
88. I hate my teeth.
89. I always have at least one ingrown toenail.
90. I am incapable of getting a tan, so I shun the sun instead.
91. I once read a book about the matrilineal nature of mitochondrial DNA and liked it so much I bought my own copy.
92. When I was 9 I wanted to be a paleontologist.
93. I am not affiliated with any religion.
94. If vampires were real, I'd want to meet one.
95. The only time I ever obsess over sports is when the Olympics are on.  My favorite team is Team USA!  :D
96. I never have long nails on my left hand.
97. I tend to chew my guitar-playing calluses.
98. I found my first white hair when I was 18.  I don't bother to pull them out anymore.
99. I like frogs a lot; they're ugly-cute.
100. I have a really large collection of metaphysical and occult literature.